OK so i know it has been a while since i posted anything on here. So far 40 has been a bitch. to some degree. I keep wondering when this Divine providence will occur shining the true and spontaneously combustible light on the matter as to what in the hell i am going to be doing with myself for the rest of this life on this planet.

I was hoping our financial w0es w0uld turn around this year but with 2010 coming to a close it appears not. The silver satchel is going thru a tarnished phase. Ah squish squish. Maybe 2011 ?

Some sort of good news, i got a new hip, yes a new hip, on October 27th. I have been out on short term disability since. I have another month to be out but fear I may need to go back to work cuz we need the income.

On a side note I have been thinking about finally writing a book / collection of stories on these cast of characters my partner and i have created. I am not a writer but I am quite logical and creative and a lot of weird so we will have to see how that goes. I heard J.K Rowling was turned down several times before she got the Potter ball rolling. Hmmm.

Sometimes do you wish your life was seemingly as simple as the upper middle class hetro married couple with a Toyota Camry for her and a Ford F150 for him. A 9-5 job. 2 "perfect" kids with lots of sports and after school activities for them. Going to Church every Sunday and then cavorting with the other like minded people after church at the IHOP.

Why does being a gay 40 year old creative male have to be so damn complicated? Is this a curse or a gift? I think, no, i know I am just afraid to make that jump into the deep end of the pool. I know I can do some great things but I think I have suppressed the urge to do it because it will mean consequences along the way and I am fearful of what those consequences are. I had a taste of them when I was in college and i don't know about others but for me it means strict and unwavering devotion at no cost. Is that what i want?